Come. Eat fish. And drink 2M.

Fellow South Africans, we hear you are angry with foreigners again.

Cross the border. Come eat fish and drink 2M. But before you do, prepare about 300 Rand. Separate the notes carefully: a 20 here, a 50 there, a 100 in another pocket. Never offer more than that — unless you have truly committed a “high road crime.”

Don’t call it corruption; think of it instead as the decent way we supplement our police force’s income. Like the tipping culture in America. And before you judge too harshly, remember we do the same on your side whenever we dare cross the border.

When we are stopped by our sibales — brothers-in-law — they might demand 2,000 Rand because “you didn’t stop for a full three seconds at a stop sign,” or because “you didn’t turn your head far enough to check for traffic.” Honestly, once we get onto your highways, we can’t resist the urge to test the limits of our Japanese imports. Most of the time, we simply pay and thank the officers; if they applied the letter of the law, none of us could ever afford the bill.

If you have a Mozambican friend, even better — they’ll help you avoid getting ripped off too aggressively. If not, write to me.

In fact, let me introduce myself. I like to think that, sooner or later, everyone chooses their own name. I was first named Nyikiwane by my grandmother, but my father did not like it. So she gave me someone else’s name — Nelson. I still carry it officially today. I am now trying to change it back to Nyikiwane.

If you come over, you will learn that every story here has many versions: names, families, deeds. And, if you are lucky, when people feel safe enough that no one who shouldn’t be listening is listening, they may even break rules and talk about their dreams.

Three years ago, I stopped following the news. I noticed it was beginning to consume me. But from what I hear, you might be right to think everyone is taking your jobs. Maybe you have genuinely seen that no new jobs are being created, and that your children may never get to work.

Over here, we like to joke, “Look at South Africa — we just got the wrong whites on our side!” You know, some people are still living in the past. But you will also find many who can afford to live today. Those are the people who will show you where to drink 2M and eat fish.